there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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