i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize