my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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