I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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