I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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