Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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