whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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porn star boner night. come get it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
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You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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