y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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