you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize