I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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