What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize