She said her name was "party"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
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at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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