just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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