What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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