I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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