508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize