This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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