Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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