if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize