captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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