I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dignity is for republicans.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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