Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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