Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize