you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need a beard to bite.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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