Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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