This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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