Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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