The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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