Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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