i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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