We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize