Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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