At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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