Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I seem to have left my pride at pride
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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