So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize