So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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