Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize