Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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