I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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