New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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