So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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