Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize