I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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