So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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