my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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