Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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