i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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