You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize