I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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