Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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