I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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